Nat,
I have this notion that this type of medium is precisely the ‘new contact’. It is generated out of that Thomas Hardy, 'because there were too many of us', idea. We are being constrained, naturally, to stand still, i.e., to stay in one place. In this way your garden can become the universal garden, and therefore mine, and my wanton ribaldry can, by extension, become yours. Cyberspace is about vicarious being. It is about a community on your desktop, it supplies sex, travel, gardens, laughter, literature, access to world news and even art. When and where do we not show a ‘fragmentary’ self? Or as Mr Elliot would have it: (You, I, We) ‘prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet’. I don’t really see this as any different. I have looked at ‘Mandarino Kid’s’ profile. I can see why you two might comply, hit it off, whatever. There is evidence of similar sensibilities in both your photostreams, evidence of reflection(s) and domestication, nursing, and constraint. There is a certain sadness in both streams too, a pathos and resignation.
You are right, of course, in recognizing that anger was one of the generators of my present situation. I see it in you too. Not so much in your photostream, where you exhibit great control, but more in the way you reach out with words. This initially frightened me somewhat. It is still something I am unsure of but still feel drawn in by your ability to dissect. I like the way you ‘pick things apart’, although I am not absolutely sure you know how to put things back together again. I am exactly the same. I am aware that I can creatively ask questions, pick things apart, but I am not always sure I can put things back together again, at least so they will work. I like that you supply some of the answer in your letter in one word, followed by an exclamation mark…Glue!
It is interesting how you write about what you like to tell others and what at the same time you tell yourself. There is a strange competition there. It feels partially about what we think we deserve, that over-estimation of the other, or is that the flattering of the other to get them to like the ‘self’. I am aware that I do this too.
As for family, I love and hate them. I am becoming more aware of our similarities, the fact that I share a genetic lineage with them. I have ignored them for 32 years so this is a type of renaissance for me. Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett are helping me a little through this. I have ‘beloved’ elsewhere in the world, like you (I suspect) this is not focused in one individual, nor would I want it to be. This gives a sense of completeness and isolation at the same time. That double-edged joy and pain of not looking for someone else to complete one, whilst at the same time realizing what this means. I think that in Flickr we are actually reaching out beyond ‘sustainability’, we might even be demanding ‘responsibility’, or at least egging each other on in that direction. It is a wonderful platform for communication. I must add that the possibility of communication is my greatest joy. I like to make people laugh and cry and wonder, putting it simply. I love people who do the same to me. I intend to keep posting on Flickr, both real and virtual work.
Best Love for now Nat.
XX
Ruin