Homelessness (My Story) - a photo on Flickriver

© Leanne Boulton, All Rights Reserved

It can happen to anyone, from any walk of life.

20 years ago I had a career that I was incredibly proud of, saving lives, I had a home, mortgage, car and disposable income. I was confident and, even though I hate to blow my own trumpet, I was incredibly good at the work that I did.

I was, however, bullied, harassed, abused, belittled and ostracised by management and many colleagues in a toxic environment where this behaviour had spread like a cancer. This went on daily for 13 years. I thought that I was 'ignoring' it and just knuckling down in my work. I didn't know, until it was too late, that this was damaging both my physical and mental health.

After some time off due to a stress breakdown I returned and the bullying turned into a witch hunt. They succeeded. My mental and physical health had been destroyed. I was wrongly advised to resign by a union that had representatives embedded in management. I was too unwell to pursue any means of recompense.

Losing my career lead to my first Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy attack. This one was nearly fatal.

I have suffered from Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) for at least 20 years as a direct result of this. Only finally receiving help for the condition last year after years of medical denial because the establishment at the time did not understand the connection between non-life threatening instances and PTSD despite mounting evidence. Thankfully it is much better understood today.

The bullies took my career, my confidence, my identity, my physical health, my mental health and now they have taken my relationship and my home. My ex being unable to cope with my PTSD and reacting to it in a way that was making it worse in a cycle that just destroyed our relationship.

Now, unable to work and unable to claim benefits for the moment, unwell, terrified and struggling at times to cope with basic life things, I am facing this horrendous situation that is so daunting there are times that my thoughts go to a very dark place.

I never imagined any of this would happen to me. I was on top of the world back in the early 2000s. The best time of my entire life.

Maybe I deserved this. Maybe I did something terrible in a former life. I don't know. I can't make sense of it.

I don't want to give up just yet. I want to fight back. I just have so little actual physical support. PTSD can cause isolation. Distrust. Withdrawal.

I have lost my few best friends since moving to Scotland for numerous reasons outside of my control. My family are 300 miles away and offer just loving thoughts. I am on my own.

On Friday I will be completely on my own for the first time in 20 years. This time without the confidence and abilities I had back then. I have to try and find them but without safety, comfort and familiarity I face an impossible task. It can take monumental effort just to cook a simple meal. PTSD is a terrible thing to have.

I am sharing my story as I don't know when or how I will return to Flickr.

Photography has been my recovery. My saviour from PTSD. An adrenaline kick from street photography, the excitement of the edit when you return home. Sharing my photographs with you and taking time to enjoy your photographs. The Flickr routine has kept my sanity and been an important part of my day for years now. I fully intend to return but the odds are against me at least for the moment.

Some of you wanted to help by donating towards the expensive Internet costs I will face in temporary housing.

I hate asking for help but please know that I am incredibly grateful for the help that I have received, both financially and otherwise. Just knowing that people care is a help in itself.

If you wish to keep in touch with me via WhatsApp while I am unable to get my PC online then please Flickrmail me your contact details. (bearing in mind that over the next few days my time is limited).

My PC will be packed tomorrow so I may make one more post before I go. I'll make sure it is a happier picture.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am profoundly thankful for the friendships and acquaintances that I have made here. You are all wonderful, awesome people. Thank you.

Homelessness can happen to anyone.

Taken in: UK / Scotland / Glasgow (show map)

Taken on: March 31, 2016

Tags:

Leanne Boulton

homelessness

streetphoto

society « less

Sets appears in: • Greatest Hits • On the Street more » • Glasgow • Scotland • Inanimate Objects • Sports, Events and Reportage • Social Landscape • Plucked from the Archives (During the Covid-19 Pandemic) « less

Camera: Canon EOS 7D, f/3.5, 1/200 sec, 35mm, ISO 800 (more info) (hide info)

Camera:	Canon EOS 7D
Lens:	17-50mm
Aperture:	f/3.5
Exposure Time:	0.005 sec (1/200)
Focal Length:	35mm
ISO:	800
Exposure Bias:	0 EV
Flash:	Off, Did not fire
Exposure Program:	Aperture-priority AE
Exposure Mode:	Auto
Metering Mode:	Partial
White Balance:	Auto
Color Space:	Uncalibrated
Software:	Adobe Photoshop Lightroom Classic 13.2 (Windows)
Show full info

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