I lost my dad today - a photo on Flickriver

            I chose to use this photo of a Red-tailed Hawk because they are symbols of power, courage and strength and I hope my dad is now flying as free as this hawk.

My dad Arne died today Feb 23, 2023 which would of been my mother's bday making it even harder. My mom passed away just over a year ago. To lose my dad this close to my mom has been grief upon grief. It is unimaginable pain to have no parents left. No one is alive now who knew me from the day I was born. I still need my dad and his loss has come as a complete shock. Everything happened so fast, it seems like a dream. He was my rock and my protector. He was the kindest most gentle soul.

My dad got pneumonia that was resistant to antibiotics despite the doctors trying two different kinds of broad spectrum IV antibiotics. The infection could not be controlled and despite a picc line in to administer meds to his heart, his kidneys, heart and lungs shut down. His infection in his chest was so bad it caused irreversible pulmonary fibrosis. He grew weaker and needed high flow oxygen ventilation to survive. This man never got COVID and was rarely sick and now was fighting for his life. Despite IV steroids he continued to grow weaker and slipped into a coma. Before that he spoke to me and was so grateful my sister and I came to visit him daily. He thanked and kissed me and told me he loved me every day. When the doctors asked me if it was ok to pull his ventilation when he went into a coma it was a very hard decision, despite it being the right choice. I knew my dad did not want to live in a vegetative state. However, it is not a decision I would ever wish on my worst enemy because it is still taking away a life prolonging element. My sister and I held our dad's hands as he passed away in palliative care early this morning. He passed peacefully and quickly. I miss him so. I miss his laugh, his hugs, his kisses and his warmth. I miss his guidance, strength and beautiful presence. I miss his voice and am truly heart broken I won't ever hear him or see him ever again. I hope that since he chose to pass on my mother's birthday he is now with her and is at peace. The peace this gentle, extraordinary and kind man truly deserves who did so much for me and who loved me every single day of his life. When we told his 4 year old grandson that he passed he cried and cried. It was so heartbreaking. 

I am so grateful I had such a loving and kind dad. My dad actually is the one who got me into birding at five years old and bought me my first field guide. I will be lost without him but hope he knows how much I love him and how proud I was to call him my dad. Losing a parent is so hard and navigating life without both when you are young is not easy, so I hope I can find the strength to continue on and make them proud. I am not looking forward to all the things one must do once they pass away. So for now I will just take it day by day and plan his funeral and grieve the loss of a wonderful man who taught me how to love and respect nature and how to treat others with dignity and respect. Thank you Dad for loving me and giving me such a good life. Thank you for giving me an example to live by and for inspiring me with your strength and resilience to adversity and for never complaining even when you were suffering. You made me proud dad and I hope I will do the same for you.

Thank you to the amazing staff and Internal Medicine and Respirology team at St. Paul's hospital and the Palliative Care Team and all the nurses and doctors that cared for him from the moment he walked in until his final day on earth today.

Rest in peace dad I will never forget you and I love you always, now and forever.

Taken on: April 29, 2021

Tags:

Red-tailed Hawk

Hawk

Dad

father

RIP

grief

trauma

loss

raptor

bird of prey

flight

flying

flight shot

Point Roberts

Washington State

Buteo jamaicensis « less

Sets appears in: • Raptors and Owls

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Camera: Canon EOS 7D Mark II, f/5.6, 1/6400 sec, 400mm, ISO 400 (more info) (hide info)

Camera:	Canon EOS 7D Mark II
Lens:	EF100-400mm f/4.5-5.6L IS II USM
Aperture:	f/5.6
Exposure Time:	1/6400 sec
Focal Length:	400mm
ISO:	400
Exposure Bias:	0 EV
Flash:	Off, Did not fire
Exposure Program:	Manual
Exposure Mode:	Manual
Metering Mode:	Multi-segment
White Balance:	Manual
Color Space:	sRGB
Software:	Adobe Photoshop Lightroom Classic 10.2 (Windows)
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